Types of Grief
There are many different types of grief and understanding them can help you recognize what you’re feeling , especially if you’ve experienced abuse, betrayal, or loss that isn’t always visible or validated by others.
Grief isn’t only about death; it’s about any significant loss, loss of safety, love, trust, identity, dreams, or connection.
Here’s a breakdown of the main types of grief and how they might show up for women healing after trauma or abuse:
1. Normal (or Common) Grief
This is the natural emotional response to loss.
You might experience sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, or numbness. Over time, these emotions ease as you begin to adjust to life without what was lost.
Example: Mourning the relationship you thought you had and coming to terms with the reality of abuse.
2. Complicated (or Prolonged) Grief
This happens when grief feels stuck or overwhelming, lasting months or years without easing. It can interfere with daily life, making it hard to function or move forward.
Example: You may still feel consumed by pain or guilt long after leaving an abusive relationship. Healing often needs extra support, such as counseling or trauma recovery work.
3. Disenfranchised Grief
This type of grief happens when your loss isn’t acknowledged or validated by others.
Example: Grieving the end of an abusive relationship when others don’t understand the depth of what you’ve lost, or when people say, “You should be glad it’s over,” not realizing the emotional complexity.
It’s grief that’s often carried in silence.
4. Delayed Grief
Sometimes, survival takes priority, you shut down emotionally just to get through. Later, when life feels safer, the grief resurfaces unexpectedly.
Example: You may only begin to cry or process pain months or years after leaving the abusive environment. This is your heart’s way of saying, “It’s safe to feel now.”
5. Anticipatory Grief
This happens when you begin grieving before the loss fully occurs.
Example: Realizing the relationship is ending, or recognizing the person you loved is not who you believed them to be. You start to mourn even before you officially let go.
6. Chronic Grief
This type of grief doesn’t lessen over time. The pain remains constant, and there’s difficulty adjusting to the new reality.
Example: Continuing to relive the trauma or longing for what might have been, without experiencing emotional relief.
7. Masked Grief
Here, grief shows up in hidden or indirect ways, like anger, anxiety, perfectionism, or physical symptoms, because the real loss hasn’t been emotionally processed.
Example: You might focus on “staying strong” or caring for others, unaware that unprocessed grief is affecting your body and emotions.
8. Cumulative Grief
This occurs when multiple losses pile up, leaving little time to heal between them.
Example: Losing your relationship, community, financial security, and sense of self all at once. It can feel overwhelming, but with time and support, each loss can be gently tended to.
Each type of grief deserves grace, patience, and validation. Healing takes time, and every person’s grieving process is unique. God meets you in each type — gently guiding your heart from pain toward peace.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3