Stalking: Post-Separation Abuse

Abusers use stalking tactics after separation. One of the most common and dangerous forms of post-separation abuse. Stalking is not just about following or watching, it’s a pattern of intimidation, monitoring, and intrusion designed to maintain control, instill fear, and remind the survivor that she’s never truly free.

Below is a detailed list of how abusers use stalking tactics after separation, one of the most common and dangerous forms of post-separation abuse.

Post-Separation Stalking Tactics

1. Physical Surveillance

Following the survivor to work, church, or social gatherings.
Parking near her home or frequenting places she visits regularly.
“Accidentally” showing up at the same stores, events, or routes she takes.
Using mutual acquaintances or neighbors to report her movements.

2. Digital and Cyberstalking

Monitoring her online activity (social media posts, comments, check-ins).
Creating fake accounts to follow, message, or spy on her.
Sending threatening or manipulative emails, DMs, or texts.
Hacking or guessing passwords to access personal accounts, photos, or cloud storage.
Using spyware, GPS trackers, or “Find My Phone” features to track her location.

3. Proxy or Third-Party Stalking

Recruiting friends, family, or even children to gather information (“What’s your mom up to?”).
Manipulating mutual connections into delivering messages or checking on her.
Involving community members, coworkers, or church leaders to “monitor” or “help” her.

4. Using Children to Monitor

Questioning children after visits about their mother’s routines, home, and personal life.
Sending items (toys, phones, clothing) with hidden tracking devices.
Using parenting apps or school portals to monitor her activities indirectly.

5. Technological Surveillance

Installing tracking devices on cars, phones, or shared electronics.
Using smart home technology (doorbells, cameras, thermostats) to watch or control the environment remotely.
Exploiting shared accounts, devices, or Wi-Fi networks to access private information.

6. “Coincidental” Appearances and Harassment

Appearing unexpectedly at places she frequents — pretending it’s accidental.
Leaving notes, gifts, flowers, or objects near her home or car to remind her of his presence.
Driving by her residence or workplace repeatedly.
Calling from blocked or unknown numbers to keep her on edge.

7. Institutional Stalking

Filing repeated court motions or complaints to force in-person contact.
Showing up at court hearings, counseling sessions, or mediation uninvited.
Contacting her workplace, church, or children’s school under false pretenses to gather information.

8. Social and Community Intrusion

Spreading rumors in her community to keep her socially isolated.
Showing up at her church or faith community to “reconcile” or maintain visibility.
Befriending her support network or new partner to stay informed.

9. Psychological and Symbolic Stalking

Sending “silent messages” — like placing familiar objects in her path or using specific phrases to trigger fear.
Posting cryptic messages online that only she would understand.
Using Scripture or spiritual language (“God told me we belong together”) to justify ongoing contact.

10. Legal and Bureaucratic Stalking

Using court filings, subpoenas, or custody exchanges as legitimate-looking excuses to monitor or approach her.
Requesting unnecessary in-person exchanges or using legal discovery to obtain her address or private details.
Filing false police reports or welfare checks to gain access to her home or location.

The Purpose of Stalking Post-Separation

The abuser’s goal is to:

Maintain power and control even after separation.
Instill fear and anxiety, keeping the survivor hypervigilant.
Force contact and visibility, ensuring she cannot heal in peace.
Reassert dominance, showing that boundaries don’t apply to him.

Stalking often escalates over time and is a strong predictor of future violence, making it one of the most serious forms of post-separation abuse.

Encouragement

Even when darkness follows you, God’s light surrounds you. He is your protector and defender, and He sees every hidden act done against you. You are not alone — His presence is your refuge and your strength.
— Psalm 27:1; Psalm 121:7–8