Protecting Yourself from Post-Separation Abuse
Protecting yourself from post-separation abuse, which can include stalking, harassment, manipulation (especially through children or finances), threats, or emotional abuse, requires a mix of legal, digital, emotional, and practical strategies.
Here’s a clear, direct guide to help you protect yourself:
Legal Protection
Document Everything
- Keep a detailed log of incidents: dates, times, what happened, and any witnesses.
- Save all texts, emails, voicemails, and social media interactions.
Restraining / Protection Orders
- Consider applying for a protective order (restraining order) if there’s stalking, threats, or harassment.
- Include digital harassment and coercive control, if your jurisdiction recognizes it.
Legal Support
- Work with a family law attorney who understands abuse and post-separation control tactics.
- Ensure any custody orders or parenting plans have clear boundaries and communication rules.
Digital Safety
Secure Devices & Accounts
- Change passwords for email, bank, social media, and cloud accounts.
- Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) on all major accounts.
Trackers & Monitoring
- Check devices (phones, vehicles) for GPS trackers or spyware.
- Reset devices to factory settings if you suspect you’re being digitally tracked.
Limit Direct Communication
- Use communication apps like OurFamilyWizard, Talking Parents, or AppClose. They provide records admissible in court.
- Avoid phone calls or texts if not legally required.
Emotional and Psychological Protection
Set Boundaries
- Be clear, brief, and business-like in all necessary interactions (especially if co-parenting).
- One Mom’s Battle has a canned respones you can utilize.
- Don’t engage emotionally, even if baited.
Therapeutic Support
- Work with a trauma-informed therapist who understands narcissistic or coercive abuse dynamics.
- Consider support groups (online or local) for survivors of domestic abuse or narcissistic abuse.
Grey Rock Technique
- Use the Grey Rock method: make yourself uninteresting and emotionally nonreactive in responses.
Practical Safety
Home & Personal Safety
- Change locks, install security cameras, and use motion lights.
- Keep your address private (consider a P.O. Box or address confidentiality program if needed).
Safety Planning
- Create a safety plan for unexpected encounters (at school drop-offs, work, etc.).
- Inform trusted friends, neighbors, or coworkers about the situation in case you need help.
- Utilize police stations or well lit retail parking lots with security camaras.
Child Safety
- Talk to your kids about boundaries (age-appropriately), without badmouthing the other parent.
- Notify schools or daycare centers of custody arrangements and who is authorized for pickups.
Financial Independence & Protection
Home & Personal Safety
- Open new bank accounts if needed.
- Keep financial documents safe and secure (online and physical copies).
- Work with a financial advisor if the abuser controlled finances.
When to Call for Help
If you’re in immediate danger, call emergency services.
Contact a local domestic violence organization for help with legal aid, safety planning, shelter, or counseling.
In the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline is:
1-800-799-7233 or Text “START” to 88788