At the age of 40 I was diagnosed with ADD. It was a relief of sorts that what I had struggled with throughout my life had a name. Once on medication I was elated to be able to accomplish so many of the things I had struggled with before. Not long after, memories from my childhood that I had repressed surfaced. While on the path to healing childhood abuse, I began to see similarities in my marriage.

It took me quite some time to accept the fact that my husband was abusive. I was attending a support group held by the local domestic violence shelter when the abuse escalated into physical.

Two weeks before I was leaving with my children my husband threw me out of the house. He convinced the police that I was the abuser and had attained a restraining order on me. Again, he attempted to have the police commit me into a mental institution, but this time it didn’t work. It wasn’t too long before he did have me committed. This quest continued many times thereafter.

Friends and any acquaintances had been turned against me.

Once I left the shelter I was living in my car or in the woods for some time until he had me arrested for violating the restraining order, after he had voluntarily met with me. The people in the jail were told I was suicidal so I was put in solitary confinement until they could get a hold of my doctor. Luckily, they didn’t believe the allegations and hurriedly got in touch with my doctor so they could get me out of solitary.

I had been able to attain legal counsel through the county, but they eventually withdrew from my case, for reasons unknown to me. Representing myself in court for the divorce was my only option.

We had joint custody, but he had residential custody because there was no way I could pay a mortgage. I would not take away the only stability my children had, which was their home. A stay-at-home mom I had no work experience or education.

Three years after the divorce we got back together again, even remarried. I was certain the Lord was guiding me through this. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was going back for the children, not for the marriage. Although marriage was the only way to get back.

Things were different, but I was different as well. I stayed on heightened alert for the abuse but did not see the covert abuse until a few years in.  He again was able to turn whatever friends I had made against me. He remains friends with most of them.

Presently I live my own life, and I am working hard to become financially stable. Communication is kept to an absolute minimal. I do not respond to his attempts to provoke me.