Scripture Through the Lens of Abuse:

People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
2 Timothy 3:2-5 NIV

For many Christian women who have endured abuse in their intimate relationships, Scripture can bring both comfort and clarity. One passage that often resonates deeply is 2 Timothy 3:1–5, where Paul describes the characteristics of people in the last days. These traits are not abstract; they often mirror the very attitudes and behaviors displayed by an abusive spouse.

Recognizing these traits does not justify the abuse you’ve experienced, nor does it condemn you for not seeing it sooner. Instead, it affirms something powerful: God saw exactly what you were living through. His Word names it, exposes it, and equips you with truth.

Below we will explore 2 Timothy 3:1-5 through the lens of abuse and coercive control.

Lovers of Themselves

Abusive spouses are often driven by self-centeredness. Everything must revolve around their wants, comfort, status, and image. Your needs, feelings, and boundaries are treated as nonsense. Their self-focus leaves no room for genuine partnership or mutual respect.

Strong’s 5367: Self-loving, selfish. From philos and autos; fond of self, i.e. Selfish.

Lovers of Money

Many abusers weaponize finances, controlling bank accounts, withholding resources, sabotaging your employment, or using money to maintain power. Their love of money isn’t always about wealth; it’s about using money to dominate and manipulate.

Strong’s 5366: Money-loving, avaricious, covetous. From philos and arguros; fond of silver, i.e. Avaricious.

Boastful

Abusers often inflate their accomplishments, intelligence, or spirituality. They build themselves up to justify their entitlement and superiority. Their boasting becomes a tool to keep you feeling small and dependent.

Strong’s 213: A boaster, one who gives one’s self airs in a loud and flaunting way ;braggart. Boaster, braggart, arrogant person

Proud

Pride keeps them from admitting wrongdoing, apologizing sincerely, or taking responsibility. They may twist Scripture to justify their behavior or demand submission. Their pride elevates them to a godlike position in the home—something God never intended.

Strong’s 5244: Proud, arrogant, disdainful. From huper and phaino; appearing above others, i.e. haughty.

*The English Standard Version replaces the word proud with arrogant

Abusive

This one speaks for itself. Abuse is about power and control—verbal, emotional, spiritual, psychological, sexual, or physical. Scripture doesn’t minimize these behaviors; it names them plainly.

Strong’s 989: speaking evil, slanderous, reproachful, railing, abusive.

The Christian Standard Bible replaces the word abusive with demeaning.

*Other Bible Versions use Blasphemers

Disobedient to Parents

This trait reflects rebellion against authority, accountability, and wise counsel. Abusers often have a history of disregarding boundaries or dismissing the influence of healthy authority figures.

Strong’s 545: Unbelieving, disobedient, who will not be persuaded. Unpersuadable, i.e. Contumacious

Ungrateful

Nothing you do is ever enough. Acts of love, sacrifice, and service go unnoticed or are criticized. Their ingratitude keeps you in a cycle of trying harder while they give less.

Strong’s 884: Ungrateful, ungracious, unpleasing. Thankless, i.e. Ungrateful.

*Other Bible Versions use unthankful

Unholy

Their actions contradict God’s design for love, gentleness, and righteousness. They may appear religious publicly, but their private behavior betrays a heart far from holiness.

Strong’s 462: Unholy, profane. Wicked.

Without Love

The word used here (in the Greek) means “without natural affection.” Abusive spouses often lack empathy, compassion, and genuine concern. They may mimic affection when they want something, but consistent, Christlike love is absent.

Strong’s 794: Unloving, devoid of affection. Hard-hearted towards kindred.

*Other Bible Versions use unloving

Unforgiving

Abusers often keep a mental “record of wrongs.” Past mistakes, big or small, are weaponized against you. Yet they expect instant forgiveness for their own harmful behaviors.

Strong’s 786: Implacable, not to be bound by truce. Literally, without libation, i.e. truceless.

Slanderous

They distort the truth, twist your words, demean your character, or tell lies about you to others. This can include spreading rumors, accusing you of things you didn’t do, painting themselves as the victim or rewriting history.

Strong’s 1228: From diaballo; a traducer; specially, Satan.

Without Self-Control

Abusers often have explosive tempers, impulsive behaviors, addictions, or destructive patterns. They blame others for their outbursts rather than taking responsibility for their lack of discipline.

Strong’s 193: Lacking self-control, powerless, inclined to excess. Powerless, i.e. Without self-control.

Brutal

“Brutal” doesn’t always mean physical violence (though it can). It can mean cruel words, emotional cruelty, intimidation, or behaviors designed to break your spirit.

Strong’s 434: Not tame, fierce, savage. Savage.

Not Lovers of the Good

Goodness, things like kindness, humility, honesty, and mutual respect threatens their control. They may mock your desire for peace, twist good deeds into something negative, or resent anything that brings you joy or strength.

Strong’s 865: Not loving that which is good. Hostile to virtue.

*Other Bible Versions use despisers of good

Treacherous

They betray trust, break promises and violate the covenant of marriage. Treachery can include infidelity, deception, hiding financial activities, or using confidential information against you.

Strong’s 4273: A betrayer, traitor. From prodidomi (the enemy’s) hands); a surrender.

*Other Bible Versions use traitors

Rash

Their decisions are often impulsive, reckless, and fueled by emotion rather than wisdom. Their rashness can create instability in the home, finances, and the emotional climate of the relationship.

Strong’s 4312: Impulsive, rash, reckless. From a compound of pro and pipto; falling forward, i.e. Headlong.

*Other Bible Versions use headstrong

Conceited

They see themselves as superior, more spiritual, more capable, and deserving of special treatment. Conceit fuels entitlement, “I deserve this,” “You owe me,” “I’m always right.”

Strong’s 5187: From a derivative of tupho; to envelop with smoke, i.e. to inflate with self-conceit.

*Other Bible Versions use haughty

Lovers of Pleasure Rather Than Lovers of God

When a spouse prioritizes their own comfort, indulgence, desires, or fantasies above all else, including God, they become spiritually dangerous. They may use faith as a mask, but their true pursuit is always self-pleasure, not God’s heart.

Strong’s 5369: Pleasure-loving. From philos and hedone; fond of pleasure, i.e. Voluptuous.

Why This Matters for Survivors

Reading 2 Timothy 3 through the lens of abuse can bring validation. Many survivors struggle with confusion, self-blame, or spiritual guilt. But Scripture is clear: these behaviors are not fruits of the Spirit. They are signs of a corrupt, hardened heart.

God is not asking you to stay in harm’s way.
He is not calling you to enable wickedness.
He is not blind to what you endured.

This passage reminds you:

Your pain is real.
Your confusion is understandable.
Your decision to seek safety is supported by Scripture.
God stands against abuse and stands with the oppressed.