Scripture Through the Lens of Abuse

“But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner, not even to eat with such a person.”
1 Corinthians 5:11

For many Christian women, especially those who have endured abuse in their intimate relationships, scriptures about separating from harmful people can feel confusing or even frightening. You may have been taught that being a “good Christian woman” means being endlessly patient, forgiving without boundaries, and enduring mistreatment for the sake of peace.

But the Word of God tells a very different story.

1 Corinthians 5:11 is one of the clearest verses in the New Testament where God openly instructs His people not to remain in close fellowship with someone who claims to be a believer yet continually chooses patterns of destruction, exploitation, and harm.

For survivors of abuse, this passage offers both validation and permission:
God does not ask you to stay in relationship with someone who abuses you, especially if they cloak their behavior in religion

1 Corinthians 5:11 as a Survivor of Abuse

When Paul writes “anyone named a brother,” he is referring to someone who claims to be part of the Christian community, someone who uses the title of believer or follower of Christ. Yet their life shows a consistent pattern of harmful, unrepentant behavior.

Paul lists several behaviors:

Sexually immoral – someone who is unfaithful or exploits others sexually.
Covetous – someone who is greedy, controlling, or obsessed with power and possessions.
Idolater – someone who puts anything above God (including their own ego).
Reviler – someone who uses words to belittle, insult, demean, or emotionally abuse others.
Drunkard – someone overcome by addiction yet unwilling to seek change.
Extortioner – someone who manipulates, intimidates, or takes advantage of others for their own gain.

These traits describe far more than casual mistakes or occasional sin. They describe a character pattern, a lifestyle of harm.

And God’s instruction is clear:
Do not keep close company with them. Do not stay in intimate fellowship. Do not sit at the same table.

This is not about being judgmental, it is about protecting the flock.

Why God Calls Us to Distance Ourselves from Abusive People

Many survivors struggle with guilt when they feel the need to leave an abusive relationship. Abusers often twist scripture to keep you trapped, using shame, manipulation, and false teachings about submission or forgiveness.

But 1 Corinthians 5:11 reveals God’s heart:

1. God does not want His daughters to stay entangled with destructive people.

Your Father in Heaven is not honored when His beloved daughters remain in danger. He is a protector, not a controller.

2. Boundaries are biblical.

Stepping away from someone who continually harms you is not disobedience, it is wisdom.

3. Distancing creates space for truth, healing, and accountability.

Sometimes separation is the only path that exposes sin and brings clarity.

4. God cares deeply about the safety and wellbeing of victims.

Jesus consistently defended the oppressed and confronted the abusive.

If someone calls themselves a believer yet chooses to revile, exploit, manipulate, harm, or destroy, God is not asking you to stay. He is asking you to step away.

For the Survivor: This Is Not Your Shame to Carry

If you have walked away from someone who displayed these patterns, you may still wrestle with:

“Was I wrong to leave?”
“Shouldn’t I have stayed longer?”
“God hates divorce, doesn’t He?”
“Am I failing God by protecting myself?”

Beloved, hear this truth:

Leaving an abusive person is not sin.
Abuse is sin.

God never requires His daughters to remain under the authority of someone who destroys them emotionally, spiritually, or physically.
1 Corinthians 5:11 is a divine reminder that stepping away is not a betrayal of your faith—it is an act of obedience.

Recognizing the Traits Listed in the Verse Through the Lens of Abuse

Paul’s list aligns closely with common traits of abusive partners:

Sexually immoral: Cheating, coercing, violating consent.
Covetous: Exerting financial control, jealousy, possessiveness.
Idolater: Worshiping their own image, power, or reputation.
Reviler: Name-calling, degrading, gaslighting, constant criticism.
Drunkard: Using substances to excuse violence or neglect.
Extortioner: Threats, intimidation, taking money, using children as leverage.

When these patterns appear consistently, without repentance or transformation, it is biblical to step back.

What Stepping Away Can Look Like

Stepping away may mean:

Ending the relationship.
Going no-contact.
Creating safety plans.
Establishing strict boundaries.
Involving support systems or authorities.
Choosing not to reconcile unless genuine repentance and transformation occur (which often requires years, not weeks).

Separation is not cruelty.
Separation is stewardship of your life, your peace, your purpose, and your God-given worth.

God Will Walk With You as You Heal

If you are healing from the wounds caused by someone who fit Paul’s description, take heart. God is not disappointed in you. He is not ashamed of you. He is not asking you to return to what He has called you out of.

Instead, He is:

Guiding you into freedom.
Restoring your identity.
Healing the broken places.
Surrounding you with His love, protection, and presence.

He will never ask you to remain bound to someone He Himself warns you to avoid.

A Closing Prayer

Father, thank You for Your clarity, Your protection, and Your love.
Give Your daughter wisdom to discern harmful relationships and courage to walk in the freedom You desire for her.
Heal her wounds. Restore her identity. Surround her with Your peace.
May she know that stepping away from destruction is obedience, not failure.
In Jesus’ name, Amen